//photo: downtown date with my love last week//
I’ve been storing these up for a while! You’re welcome in advance.
—–
After a long day of speech therapy/working with kids…
Is a chupacabra real? A kid I was talking to today was freaking me out!
Looking at Pancho…
M: Is he okay? His eyes are goozing.
L: “Goozing” is not a word.
M: Goo and oozing…yes it is.
On John Mayer…
L: I’m so sad his tour was cancelled. What’s the deal with this thing in his throat?
M: Yeah, a granuloma. I hate that guy. If I was his speech pathologist, I would make him do all the wrong exercises. He would never sing again.
Watching TV…
L: Who is that?
M: Him and that fat guy rap together.
On lunch…
M: I’m going to eat that yellow rice.
L: I threw it out.
M: WHY?!
L: Because it was like two weeks old!
M: It has PRESERVATIVES!
On bringing me flowers…
M: I brought you andromeda.
L: Alstroemeria?
M: Yeah, those.
On boobs…
L: What is men’s fascination with boobs?
M: It’s because we don’t have them. That’s the problem.
On buying me those nice earrings:
Just so you know, I’m done buying you cheap jewelry. So get ready.
Driving by a drive-thru Daiquiri Shack (yes, those exist here)…
You want a Daiquiri? We’re in Louisiana now. The rules have changed girl!
On his sometimes reckless driving style…
M: I’m a very risqué driver.
L: Risqué?
M: (waggles eyebrows)
On bedtime…
M: Let’s go to bed.
L: I’m too tired to walk. Pick me up!
M: You have to sit up. I can’t bend down and curl you. I can’t curl 120 lbs. (wink)
{God bless him, I haven’t been 120 pounds since high school.}
On our new house (and watching just enough HGTV to make him dangerous)…
M: I like this kitchen. It’s a gallery kitchen.
L: You mean “galley”?
M: Yes, that.
On boxes…
M: I got these pieces of cardboard from the grocery store to reinforce the bottoms of our other boxes. They’re the things they put in the bottom of the boxes of apples. They’re apple bottoms!
L: …boots wit da fur?
On packing…
L: I don’t want to pack. Can you just kill me?
M: I would, but then I’d have to pack the house.
On Coke vs. Pepsi…
M: I’m craving a Pepsi.
L: I thought I converted you to Coke?!
M: You did. But then I had a Pepsi the other day, and it was good. It was Peps-riffic.
On delicious Cajun desserts…
M: Those bunions were really good!
L: BUNIONS?!
M: Yeah, those sweet potato bunions.
L: YOU MEAN BEIGNETS?!
M: Yeah, those.
On body wash…
L: Something smells like an old man.
M: It’s my new body wash. I saw it in the store and it said “Active Sport,” so I thought, “cool.” But it’s not active sport. It’s old sport.
Regarding my eyebrows over dinner…
Wow. Your eyebrows are perfect. How did you do that? Is that with a pencil? Hey, when we get home, do that to mine.
Paul O'Rear says:
I like Michael! He cracks me up (I LOL’d at several of his epic sayings). My favorite was the very first one about the chupacabra, mainly because I’m kind of fascinated with the legendary cryptid myself. Good post, Lauren!
Kayleigh says:
I am literally dying over here.
And I may or may not have repeated the risqué driver bit out loud about five times.
Chrissy (The New Me) says:
Best installment ever. I can’t even pick a favorite!
Karen says:
These are hilarious!
Julie H. says:
Ahh! I love these; my favorites in no particular order…
“Is a chupacabra real?” (side note, just so you know, I do believe in chupacabras.)
Risque & waggling eyebrows. (“waggling” is just a funny word in and of itself which helps the whole scenario)
Apple bottom…boots wit da fur!
Tasty bunions. (GROSS!)
and eye pencil!!! (Ryan still thinks my make-up regime is weird, but he’s of the male gender so that’s not too unusual)
Thanks for sharing a little humor with us friend!!!
Miemo says:
OMG. This is hilarious :D I miss Louisiana! Hope you love it there.
Noelle says:
My mom totally believes in chupacabras, and is convinced one lives on our street.
Also, there is a drive through “daq shack” less than a mile from my house in College Station. SCORE! If you just moved to LA for that you should have moved here. I have an extra bedroom. I’m quiet at night cause I’m a grandma, and I’m not against married people living with me, as long as they share their dinner and wine!
Mary says:
“Goozing” made me think of his mom! Much of what comes out of him makes me think of her. She’s a pearl…as is he.
Melanie says:
Bahahaha!
Oh man, I thought I had picked a favorite and then I kept reading!
So glad I got to experience a “Michaelism” happen in real life before ya’ll moved.
Chelsea says:
HA. Oh Michael. Funny dude.
I need to be better about tracking Stephen’s sayings because YOU KNOW he has some good ones.
Kathleen says:
There are some real gems here! Seems moving has given you extra fodder. :)
Amanda says:
Please tell me you did his eyebrows :)
Julia says:
Awesome! I whole heartedly agree with him as John Mayer sucks! What a whiny baby!
Liz says:
The risque one killed me dead. And he’s right about your eyebrows :)
Katie says:
bahaha I’m dying of laughter over here. Reading this seriously made my morning.
Victoria says:
I watched Amazing Spiderman this weekend and it was great! Emma Stone is fantastic in her character and looks great blonde. And Andrew Garfield was great. This spiderman makes Toby McGuire’s look cheesy, sorry Toby.