{Since I don’t get enough sleep these days, Pancho is doubling up for me}
One day I will stop blogging about how much I am working / how tired I am, but today is not that day. And if you wonder why is she blogging instead of sleeping? the answer is simple. I’m documenting this time, because when things are normal again, I want to remember what I accomplished and how hard I pushed myself to get Michael and I through his last semester. When we are living the life we’ve always wanted, I want to remember that it was not handed to us, and that we worked our butts off every step of the way.
Like last week. Based on my calculations, I worked over 70 hours. That’s between two jobs, freelance projects, and helping my friend cater a birthday party. While that might be crazy — and it is, I’m aware of that — and I may be exhausted beyond all reason, I’m oddly proud of myself. I used to be a girl who worked 40 hours a week and was too overwhelmed to get anything else done, including completing a load of laundry or writing a blog post. Now, I work much more than that and still manage to find time to have coffee with a friend, adequately (albeit imperfectly, but I’m okay with that) keep my home, and blog several times per week. I want to emblazon this level of accomplishment into my memory, and come back to it in the future when I begin to let the small things wear me down and make me think that “I’m too busy.” I’ll tell myself, Girlfriend, remember when you worked 70 hours that one week and survived? This is small potatoes.
This isn’t to say I haven’t had my meltdowns. My time with Michael is definitely suffering; we’re either too busy or too tired to spend quality time together. This level of activity is not healthy, and I know that. I’m not getting adequate rest or relaxation, and I know that too. I’m cranky all the time, and constantly have to be on guard to make sure I don’t rip people to shreds over nothing. I’m not very good at this, so you can go ahead and add Michael to your prayer list.
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel (more on that later). And just because this time isn’t ideal, it’s necessary for where we are right now. It’s only a time, and I can get through. I wanted to remind everyone — including myself — that we are capable of so much more than we think. So don’t say you can’t. Don’t make excuses that you’re too busy or don’t have time. We are capable of huge things if we are really determined.
Julie says:
Ohhh, I love this confession. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my sister Lisa this past Christmas. Ryan and I went out to eat with just her and her husband Justin and I asked her, “How do you have the energy or where do you get the energy to take care of three kids?” She honestly and bluntly said, “You don’t ever have or get the energy.” (This was not the response I was expecting, of course, I was wanting some kind of super mommy secret so that I could comfort myself before having kids that it would be easier for us when Ryan and I get there in life b/c I would have the secret!) She then proceeded to say, “You just cry a whole lot more in the beginning, and then you realize you can/are doing it. You’ll be okay.”
I’m glad my sister is real. I’m glad you are too friend. You’ll make it. You’ll probably just cry a lot more in the beginning. And that’s okay. ;)
Lauren says:
I have a few of these weeks stored for safe keeping in my life too. When I first started graduate school, I had just purchased a house and my long-distance relationship wasn’t doing so well. When feeling scared by life, I warp into a workaholic. I spent my first year of graduate school working 60 hours/week (with clients and at a restaurant) while being a full-time student. I also received a puppy that Christmas and am fairly certain that I didn’t sleep at all for that entire semester.
Looking back, it was crazy. I certainly wasn’t my happiest (the turbulence in my long-term relationship made me very sad) but I was doing what I could to get through. I’m quite certain my career will have me working 60+ weeks at some point again in life and I feel a bit more prepared now that I’ve conquered craziness before.
Hang in there! I feel like you’ll look back with a bit of pride!
Marlena says:
FYI: you are amazing.
Becca says:
I have an incredibly time and energy demanding job and for the past few months I basically feel like I come home to shower, eat, and sleep then head back to another event or meeting or family functuon or friend thing or just to the office. The upside is I really do love my job and I love everything else my life is full of right now. I know it won’t always be like this so I’m trying to find ways to enjoy the madness. Thanks for your great blog…it speaks the truth!