{via}
Sometimes I like to imagine that I am Wonder Woman, except blonde and not as muscular, and that I can go through my weeks effortlessly, using my superpowers to banish anything bad that tries to come after me. The fact of the matter is that when bad things happen, I want to simultaneously curl up into a little ball and cry, while yelling and punching a wall. I don’t think Wonder Woman ever did anything like that. At least not openly.
This week has been awful. Many small things have happened that have added up to one stressed, tired, non-Wonder Woman. And it’s only Wednesday.
The top 3 terrible things that have happened this week:
>> I gave a presentation on social media and, due to the fact that I have a Mac and there are parts of the world that still hate Macs, I had approximately 1000 technical difficulties. If that wasn’t unnerving enough, while I was speaking, I scanned the room and noticed there was a man in the back of the room taking a nap. He was sitting up, facing forward, and his eyes were closed. Maybe he was meditating on what I was saying, but since he snapped his eyes open several minutes later and looked really surprised to be where he was, I doubt it. It was a traumatic experience. Technical issues AND so boring I was putting people to sleep? Needless to say, I stumbled a bit through my slides.
>> Michael is sick, bless his heart. When Michael is sick, THE WORLD HAS ENDED. The man who can get all A’s in grad school, work, run miles upon miles, clean the house, and still have energy to spare suddenly becomes someone ON HIS DEATHBED. He is sick so rarely that he doesn’t know how to handle it. I am sick a lot (or rather, there are times on a regular basis that I don’t feel well), so I begin to lack sympathy after a certain point. (Yes, I am aware that this makes me a bad wife.) Now I know why they put “in sickness and in health” into wedding vows. Is it this way with all men? My research so far is showing that it is. Sorry honey. I love you. Feel better soon, okay? Like, really soon. ASAP. Chop chop.
>> I guess when the yoga instructor said “Focus on releasing toxins from your body,” the guy next to me thought she meant to fart. SEVERAL TIMES. The kind of awful disgusting farts that make you gag. Look, I know some of those yoga positions can be compromising. It’s probably easy to…well, accidentally let one rip if you’re not careful. BUT REPEATEDLY? It was terrible. Towards the end, I almost said something — but what would I say?!? “Excuse me sir, PLEASE ACT LIKE A CIVILIZED HUMAN AND STOP FARTING IN THIS ENCLOSED SPACE.” I almost barfed. If I see him again, I’ll be going to the opposite corner of the room, thank you.
Now that I’m listing everything, it seems ridiculous for me to think this week has been so bad. I suppose the lack of sleep is playing tricks on me. There are people out there with real problems, like running for their lives and bronchitis and what have you. See below:
I’m going to start taking the same attitude as Sweet Brown with the things in life that frustrate me. Hey, guy farting in my face in yoga? AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
Besides, there are only two days left this week. I’m feeling more powerful already! Give me a sparkly leotard and some fancy bracelets and I can conquer the world! Right after I take a nap.
Oh wait, a nap? AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
Jimaie says:
I love that Sweet Brown thought someone was BBQing, lol! NO! Oh Lord Jesus, it was a fire!
You made me gag with the whole fart story so thanks for that. I can’t even fathom how disgusting it was to be you in that situation. I mean, I can’t stand smelling my husband’s farts and I birthed his babies and vowed to spend the rest of my life with him SO. An strangers nasty diarrhea farts? And more than once?!!? I WOULD DIE.
abby says:
My hubby had a sinus infection last week and I’m pretty sure he thought it was on his death bed also. Maybe it’s the fact that girls get used to having their monthly “visitor” since we were in Jr. High so we’re used to “tummy aches” and regular sickness. I don’t know. But in my limited research (ie. my girlfriends) I think it must just be a guy thing. Maybe mom’s of boys all coddle them too much? Either way, I feel your pain sister:)
Lindsey says:
The world ends when Justin is sick too. It must be an every guy thing!
Victoria Herrera says:
Loved this post!! And the yoga story had me laughing at work. Hope your week gets better!!
Michelle says:
The first two sentences of that fart story just made me snort laugh out loud (I guess you can’t really snort laugh inside….)! I just scrolled back up to check if it was one sentence or two and it made me laugh again! Hilarious! I can also probably find this humorous more than most because I have no sense of smell, and therefore no idea what a fart actually smells like :-)
Heather says:
Laughing so hard about the tooting yogi!!
Natalie {Miss Social} says:
I feel you girl. I had the worst week last week, and this week I just HAD to decide that I wasn’t going to let anything stop me from being happy. And, if something came up that was bad/sad/annoying/stressful, I would just stop and have a margarita. Even if it was 11am.
I hope your week gets better!
Marlena says:
HILLARIOUS. With 2 Ls…because I laughed THAT much.
Captain Gassy Pants is just gross. I’ve never been to a yoga class so I don’t fully comprehend why everyone farts so much but that’s just funky.
Carl is equalling dramatic when sick. I’ve never understood if it’s because he doesn’t get sick very often or because they’re milking it. Whatever the cause, FEEL BETTER MIGUEL!
Marlena says:
And you know I meant EQUALLY.
Deanna Ogle says:
Oh do I hear you. I feel like I’m so super-womany most of the time that I banish all bad karma until one day… ONE DAY… It all decides to land together. So, nothing is wrong, until the whole universe is wrong.
And my husband is that way too. I get sick? No big deal. If he gets sick, he’s dead to the world.
I hate yoga for that reason. Nothing throws off your relaxation/meditation more than trying to keep it together for the length of a long pose.
All in all, it’s okay. It feels terrible now, but go curl up with your puppies, read a book, or catch up on that semi-guilty pleasure show you want to see with a glass of hot chocolate or wine. And a hot shower. You’ll feel better in a few hours. :) The world will be brighter tomorrow!
Jon says:
If I were doing Yoga next to you I would hold in my toxins, or at least move to the back of the room and release them in downward dog.
Christina says:
IT IS LIKE THAT WITH ALL MEN. Seriously. I can be violently ill with a migraine while simultaneously entertaining two boys. Scott gets sick and the world is ending. Like, “can you please bring me just a little bit of water” in an Oliver Twist voice when I’m not paying enough attention because HELLO, I’m still entertaining those two boys!! Thank goodness they are rarely sick!!
Cio says:
:) I love you!
Jennifer says:
Oh my goodness…the sickness thing…are you SURE you weren’t talking about my life? I swear it’s the exact same situation. I fairly often don’t feel well…not up to par of when I could feel. Corey is rarely truly sick and when he is I just don’t know how to deal with it! I’m the youngest so I’m used to being babied and I don’t know how to do the babying! :/
Katherine says:
LOL!
Brittney says:
Ohmuhlord. Sean must be Michael’s long lost twin, because he gets sick maybe once a year. Once. Which means that because I battle a cold 900x a year, I have learned to still function like a real human being, and he forgets to be sympathetic. But when he has his annual stuffy nose, it’s like OMG NO I CANT GET MY OWN WATER GLASS BECAUSE MY NOSE IS STUFFY, GOD WOMAN! HAVE YOU NO HEART? So its always, ALWAYS good times when he feels a touch under the weather ;)
Also.. I love you. Because all week, anytime I had a lag in thoughts, I would tell Sean we needed to go get a cold pop.
Vanessa says:
Does it make me a horrible person for laughing at that lady in the video!? Next time Aaron gets sick I’m going to yell “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”
Hope your week gets better lady! And I think we’ve all dealt with the farting man in yoga before. Yikes.
osarah says:
I haven’t been over here in a while, but I missed the ol blog world and your post was a nice welcome back. Though I am sorry you haven’t ha the best week, I could conpletely sympathize with the sick husband bit and then your story on the farting guy in yoga class made me laugh do hard I had to stop reading and take a break. Thank you for the laugs, and I hope you have a much better end to your week and start of the weekend!