Last week, I was a total grump. Blame it on that terrible feeling that comes from getting so far behind during a holiday weekend, blame it on the impending doom of finals, blame it on jealousy that everyone in my instagram feed is putting up beautiful Christmas trees and I’m putting together treatment plans and presentations…while we’re playing the blame game, we could even blame it on that time of the month.
I was so grumpy and PMS-ey (that’s a real word, TRUST), I even briefly thought about quitting blogging. I know, I’m dramatic when I’m stressed. At any point during the week, whenever I thought about sitting down and putting together a post, it gave me a slight bit of anxiety. And then I wondered, when did blogging stop being fun and become work?
Oh yeah, when I made it that way. I DID IT. It’s my fault.
I do that with everything in my life. I set up these odd, unrealistic expectations for myself and think everyone else also has them for me. Because yeah, the person who randomly clicks a link on my Twitter is deeply and emotionally invested in my blog posting schedule and if I don’t live up to their expectations, I am letting everyone down, in the whole wide world, including all the puppies and kittens.
Somehow, I feel much better after typing out how ridiculous I am.
And so, my dear readers, I am going to be easy on myself until after finals. I know you guys understand, because that’s what you do. You’re not the crazy person I have to deal with (spoiler alert: I AM THAT PERSON). My last class is December 14th, after which I will reappear, a new, refreshed, less crazy version of myself. Okay, I think we’re all kidding ourselves with the less crazy part.
I think it was the day of or after I had decided to maybe write a tearful “see you guys later, I CAN’T HANDLE THE STRESS OF BLOGGING ANYMORE” post (am I really this crazy?) that two things happened. 1: I had a great idea for this blog + my free time over Christmas break, and 2: a friend of mine who recently got married emailed me something along the lines of: “One of my friends saw you at my wedding and later told me, ‘I saw Lauren from Texas in the bathroom at your wedding! How do you know her?’” Like I’m someone special and not just some crazy girl blogging in her sweatpants (if I’m even wearing pants). Then I thought, if I stopped blogging, what would I do with my good ideas? Also, no one would recognize me in bathrooms at weddings (that made my YEAR, by the way). Those two things, plus a million others, made me realize that if I stopped blogging I would always feel like something was missing.
So maybe, instead of going all crazy cakes, I need to stop trying to make myself and this blog into something it’s (I’m) not. I don’t need a regular posting schedule (although, good HEAVENS, would that be an accomplishment). I don’t need to beat myself up if I start a series and don’t finish it. I haven’t failed at life when things don’t happen the way I think they’re supposed to happen. I haven’t even failed at blogging. I’ve developed my own method, and it works for me right now. As someone who is working + in grad school, I think that’s just fine.
I’m going to cut myself some slack. At the end of particularly long days, I will watch bad reality TV in my snowflake PJs. I will drink (reasonable, responsible amounts of) Chardonnay while I do homework. I will try any type of tea that has the words “soothing” or “calming” in the description. I will find joy in the small things, like the bow on my red school bag. I will stop allowing myself to take the enjoyment out of life. I will embrace the crazy, but carefully, in case it has a knife.
And, dang it, I WILL HAVE FUN ON THIS BLOG, SO HELP ME. DON’T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE. I WILL TURN THIS BLOG AROUND!
Comments on On keeping the fun in blogging.
From Skye @ Neathering our Fest:
This is an awesome post and I totally relate! I really feel guilty if I don’t have something scheduled and sometimes it seems more like work than a hobby… You have definitely put some little things in perspective for me! Thanks for sharing your heart girl! :)
From Skye @ Neathering our Fest:
And oh by the way – if I were that girl that saw you in the bathroom I would have totally gotten your autograph. Just sayin.
From AshleyD:
Take your time, girl. I mean, it’s true we miss you when you’re not blogging, but we totally understand. Especially as someone who has gone through the grad school wringer, I get it. Enjoy your chardonnay and soothing tea. :)
From Marlena:
As someone who met you and enjoyed a very long conversation with you over brunch, pre-LfT days I can say that this blog does not define you. It’s a great source of distraction and entertainment for me which, OF COURSE, is always welcome. BUT – taking care of yourself is most important. You rock those PJs, sip that wine and do what you need to do.
From Tabaitha:
I love this post! I cab totally relate. Good luck on your finals and drink lots of tea, coffee, and wine to make it thru finals!
From Cio:
“I am letting everyone down, in the whole wide world, including all the puppies and kittens.”
You made me LOL for REALSIES.
I love your blog. I LOVE your writing. I love you.
also I agree with Marlena.
…don’t break up with your blog, how else will we find out all the crazy things Miguel says? : )
From Brittney:
See, I am the same way – but at least you forewarn people. I just stop blogging for a month and then come back and am like, “I was brushing my hair….and took a nap.” ;) I also add in the stress of.. I am supposed to post on a schedule, more often, DAILY, but not so much if offends people who hate daily.. (aka not possible to do a schedule that everyone loves). Also, if this post makes no sense, blame my Nyquil.
From Chrissy (The New Me):
I relate x 100. Preach it, sister. And blog on your schedule – it’s okay, as I am often behind on blogging myself, and even more so on reading blogs. We’ll both catch up during the winter break! (And can you BELIEVE we’re almost done with the first semester of graduate school? Because it’s kind of freaking me out.)
From Holly:
Your post made me laugh out loud – at work – and yes, I got a few strange looks. Oh well. I used to try to post 3 x/week but it just stressed me out. Now I just write when I have something to say. I find I’m happier (less stressed!) and I feel I write better, too :) Good luck with the end of semester insanity at school – I love school, but don’t miss that part of it AT ALL!
From San:
Oh, don’t I know this whole “putting pressure on myself”-thing a tad too well… but you’re completely right: we’re putting too much expectations on ourselves and other people are (mostly) much more understanding and forgiving if the blog goes quiet for a while.
You know, I’ll still come and read here – if that means anything to you – whenever you have the time or even the energy to put something out there :)
From Liz:
A fresh blog design will totally help re-kickstart things too ;)
Cause you can’t quit your blog. NOT ALLOWED, LORENA.
From Kori:
I felt the same way when I started working. Suddenly, I had NO flexibility in my schedule, and I was always exhausted when I got home at night. Wine and tv is all I can handle most nights, but I try to blog at least a few times a week. I’m trying to say that I feel your pain girl, but keep posting when you can!
From CookinwVictoria:
I know exactly what you mean!!!! You are awesome and I can definitely wait to read your blogs until after your finals! :) Do an awesome job girl! I don’t see how some people blog daily, oh wait those are some of the lucky one with no kids and no job, except blogging. I get stressed out when the house isn’t perfectly clean every night, I guess I need to cut some slack on that also…
And your red bag sounds really cute!
From Amanda:
Girl, during law school finals and the bar exam I was the Queen of the crazy cakes. Take your time, we and the kittens will be fine :)
From Ashley:
I thought I was the only one who was in this game for the bathroom recognitions! I also suffer from extremely high expectations and sometimes I have to get my hand on the crazy knob and turn it down a little.
From 2X2=score:
Please please please please please don’t ever stop blogging. I swear I started to cry a little bit when you said you’d thought about a goodbye post. Take a break, drink some Chardonnay (read: woman’s second best friend) and relax. We will see you whenever you’re next post is. Love ya!
From Honeycutt:
i had to read through a bunch of extraneous comments just to leave you mine. that was my christmas gift to you.
two points:
1. that you were able to invent the word pms-ey AND conclude that the word “fun” exists anywhere in the word “blogging” (as per your title) is a testament to the quality of sam houston’s english and creative writing program. i’m proud to be a fellow alumnus. sincerely, i am.
2. the alternate title to this entry is as follows: “or, my final descent into grad school madness.”
secret third point: this comment is evidence of my reluctance (procrastination) to do any work this late in the semester. good luck, lft. the first semester is always the hardest. those that follow are equally as hard, but no harder.
From Nicole:
It’s good to hear you take it easy on yourself, Lauren. I really can’t imagine doing all that you are. Honest truth: people keep asking me if I’ll go to grad school as planned and I keep thinking about you and then I cry a little on the inside and decide against it.
And it’s good to be the comment after Honeycutt. Though I never had a class with you, I did have one particularly memorable with Honeycutt. I think I used to draw out comic strips based on what happened during that class.
From Allen Hare:
Inspirational. I haven’t updated my blog in months. I’m making it way too much of a chore IN MY MIND. Thanks for the reminder that it’s supposed to be, in part, FUN!
Good luck with all your stuff…
From Jill:
This is me, all the time. I take months off so people probably think I did throw in the towel permanently. Oh well. Hopefully since finals are over you’re feeling a little less crazycakes ;) and enjoying your weekend!
From Erin:
I realize I’m a month late commenting on this but I had to tell you that I’m the one that saw you in the bathroom. I was in the middle of changing my daughter’s diaper without the assistance of a changing table and decided bringing up your blog might be a bit awkward. Heather is a very good friend of mine so if we bump into each other again I’ll be sure to introduce myself. :)