Disclaimer: This post is not meant to hurt feelings or cause drama. Please understand I have had it in my head for awhile, in drafts for over a week, & have edited & re-read mercilessly, until I’m sick of reading it & thisclose to not posting it. But I’m posting it anyway, because this is my blog & it IS October, after all. Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Be aware, yes, but most of all, be educated, educate others, & take action.
Someone please explain to me the reasoning behind the following:
-Posting the color of your bra as your Facebook status.
-Posting the location of where you put your purse when you get home, but prefacing it with “I like it on.” Example: I like it on the table.
-Changing your profile picture to a picture of your boobs/cleavage on a certain day of the week.
All of these things (and I’m sure there are more) are supposed to be for one thing: Breast Cancer Awareness. Here are the problems I have with this:
-Most people aren’t going to know what you’re talking about, so “I like it on the floor” is just going to sound dirty. I have not seen ONE status where several people (mostly guys) did not pipe up with an “Oooh yeah!” type remark, totally missing the “point” (as if there was one). I also haven’t seen a single instance where the woman who posted took it in the other direction and said “Thanks for the negative attention, but I’m posting this for Breast Cancer Awareness. Now tell your wife to get a breast exam.” No, just a lot of giggles & joking. The same for the bra color meme (I guess that was last year’s thing?). Posting your bra color isn’t helping anyone… except maybe the guys who are now imagining you in a pink bra.
-A snapshot of your sexy cleavage, which is perfectly healthy might I add, isn’t really the perfect picture for breast cancer. Women are having tumors removed, or in some cases, their entire breasts. There is nothing sexy about breast cancer. It is serious, and scary. Also, think about the attention you garner from this. Are women writing you saying “Thank you so much for putting up a picture of your boobs! That reminds me, it’s time for a mammogram!” Or are you getting a ton more followers than usual (mostly guys) & their attention?
In October 2008, I ran a 5K for Race for the Cure. I emailed friends & family members, asking for donations. It became very personal to me, because I began to realize that breast cancer affects women everywhere. It doesn’t care how old you are, what size your breasts are, if they’re tan or have freckles, if you’ve breastfed or haven’t. Did you know men can get breast cancer? Yeah, that’s not a popular Facebook status.
When I was walking up to the starting line on race day, I noticed a couple in front of me. The man was holding the woman up as they walked, as though if he let go, she would collapse. She was weeping. Then I read the back of her shirt: “I’m running for my mom in Heaven” & the date of her death. She lost her fight to breast cancer. To this day, I can’t think about that girl without crying. That’s a real life picture of breast cancer. But it probably won’t get you a lot of Twitter followers.
A woman I know is currently fighting breast cancer. She had chemotherapy & lost her gorgeous curly hair. While she is still a beautiful person, it is perfectly clear to me that cancer is ugly. When you think breast cancer, you shouldn’t think pink mixers & shirts & sparkly rhinestone ribbons. You shouldn’t use it as an excuse to be coy or get attention. Think: this could happen to my mom, my best friend, to me. And do something about it. Like write a check or raise money. Encourage every single woman you know to get regular check-ups. Educate yourself & those around you. Don’t trivialize it. Take it for what it is, and then do everything you can in the fight to kick breast cancer in its sorry butt.
Other great posts on this subject:
A bit of a rant: Another Dumbass Breast Cancer Meme
A well-thought-out, educated post: Spreading Facts About Breast Cancer, Not Fear
Kristina A. says:
AMEN sista! Great post….I feel the exact same way!
Kristen says:
Bravo, VERY well put!
Meghan says:
I completely agree and have ranted about this subject, as well. If people want to raise awareness they should donate money or time to help the cause. A facebook status is the laziest way to pretend to care.
San says:
Great post, Lauren.
My Grandma died of breast cancer back in the 80′s… and even though the treatment today might be much more advanced, it’s still a scary diagnosis.
And I agree with you: unless you’re willing to put your money where your mouth is (as in: donate some serious money), those facebook memes are absolutely pointless (if not to say, insulting to anyone who has dealt with cancer).
nachoblog311 says:
I understand where you’re coming from. I too hate the facebook status updates. With the #boobiewed pics on Twitter though? I do participate. A good friend and breast cancer survivor? Also participates. When people ask why that avatar is like that, I explain it’s for breast cancer awareness and for women (and men!) to remember their self exams. My grandmother is a breast cancer survivor. My teacher lost her battle with breast cancer when I was in third grade. This cause has been close to my heart for over 2/3 of my life. I too have participated in walks & several other fundraising efforts. How I choose to foster awareness shouldn’t be up for question – as long as awareness is being raised. And the new followers I gain because of it? Either support the cause or end up being blocked & reported because of their comments. A picture of my breasts (tastefully taken in a bra or bikini top)is not an invitation or an assumption about my sexual prowess. That is like saying a woman deserves to be raped because of her outfit…sorry, I too mean no drama – just an explanation from one person’s view…
Kathleen says:
Well put! Breast cancer is #1 in incidence of cancer in women and is the #2 killer.
AReelLady says:
I completely agree. I felt as if the facebook status thing was ridiculous. Why not post facts about breast cancer awareness in order to spread the word instead of where your purse was. Also kind of off topic, the places some people said their purse “was” umm really “I like it on the floor of the car in the bar parking lot”???? SERIOUSLY?
RootsAndRings says:
HA! I actually mentioned this on my blog today too. It’s ridiculous. I don’t understand it! It makes no sense and does nothing but bring negative attention to breast cancer awareness.
Heidi-D says:
Wonderful post, Lauren. THANK YOU for clicking “post” instead of hitting “delete”.
Reen says:
I love this. Thanks so much, Lauren.
Thea says:
This is a great post, Lauren, thanks for sharing. Just one thing I’d like to add is that I would like to see a greater focus of resources put towards supporting breast cancer fighters & survivors and working towards advancements in early detection and treatment options – not – towards raising awareness.
I feel that there has been an incredible amount of success in the campaigns to raise awareness and promote self-exams and mammograms and that now it’s time to put that momentum to work.
Kyla Roma says:
This is such a weird one. I kind of get what people are trying to do with the cleavage and “I like it” posts, I think that it’s meant to be a way to use sexuality to draw people’s attention, where the “Gotcha!!” is letting them know it’s about breast cancer. I can see how people are trying to use sexuality as both a way to empower women through using sexual attention and control to draw a parallel in their minds that it’s just as empowering to take control of their health. And I do understand that using sexuality like this is being used as an ice breaker precisely because it’s so tough and scary a topic.
I just think that in an ad campaign, where this was executed smoothly? That might work. In reality, boobs on facebook? They’re mostly boobs on facebook.
What worries me about this weird marketing of how we rally around breast cancer research is what you’re saying about how it’s trivializing a really legitimately hard, dark thing. I feel like by dressing patients and survivors in all pink and giving out stuffed animals (something that’s apparently widely done in hospitals) we’re infantilizing patients and survivors, and are steamrolling over how scary this journey is.
I totally support rallying around each other in times of need, I just wish it wasn’t being done in such a surface level way on such a large scale. I get that it’s done with good intentions, but it makes me uncomfortable too.
Amy --- Just A Titch says:
UGH. I think you commented on my FB post about this; I really hate this. Hate it.
I think that it’d be great if people gave a dollar instead of sexualizing their FB status in the name of “cancer awareness.”
tillie says:
Very well written Lauren. I HATE the stupid facebook games. It’s ridiculous since they don’t get the message across {if there even is a message}. Thanks for the post!
Marlena says:
PROUD OF YOU. My mother had breast cancer in 2002 when I was just 18. I watched her lose both breasts for a double mastectomy, watched the hair on her head as well as her eyebrows / eyelashes fall out, and even though we are not all that close I lived in fear every single day that the frail woman I saw vomit after every chemo appointment to the point that she got down to 92 lbs was going to die. Not just die but die LIKE THAT. It’s painful. It’s scary. I do not wish that on any single person that walks this Earth….to get cancer or to witness their parent suffer from it.
It’s much more serious than the color of your bra which guess what…people with double mastectomys (mies?) have no need for a bra. In many cases they don’t even get to keep their nipples. My Mom looked maimed after hers and only last year was she finally able to afford the reconstructive surgery. It had been so long that her initial implants (which are small…b/c her real boobs were small) FELL b/c the muscle was no longer strong. Her nipples had to be tattooed on and she had to endure a SECOND painful surgery to correct the implants. I’m being this descriptive not for TMI but because these things are forever burned in my brain and this is a cause I take very serious. If you want to be involved for Breast Cancer Awareness Month (you SHOULD be aware ALL months) there are many ways to do so that actually help those suffering and don’t make you look like an attention seeking moron.
Liz says:
“There is nothing sexy about breast cancer.”
The best way of putting it and I feel EXACTLY the same way.
I recently had experiences with both memes-the one where people say “I like it on…” on facebook {I had no idea it was for breast cancer awareness and was a little freaked out when I saw all the status’} & someone on twitter friends list changed their pictures to their boobs {even more freaked out}. I thought she was spam & told her so. Breast cancer awareness or not, I know for a fact my boyfriend would flip out if I was publicly displaying my boobs in any fashion. Not even just him but my own personal feeling is that its not ever okay to share that kind of stuff on the Internet of all places.
I think if you really want to show your support for breast cancer awareness there are more effective ways of doing so. Like running a 5K like you did, or donating to a cancer foundation. I don’t believe sounding/looking slutty classifies as such.
Great post<3
Erin says:
I’m probably going to get shot for this…but I HATE breast cancer awareness month. Sure, people do amazing things like walk for days at a time to raise money, and that’s fantastic. BUT, everywhere you go, there’s pink shit. Everything is pink…and truthfully? Most of that pink shit doesn’t do a damn bit of good in raising money OR awareness. Quite frankly, I think we are all pretty aware of breast cancer at this point. It definitely wins the cancer awareness award of the century. We don’t need pink M&Ms and muffin tins and for NFL players to wear pink jerseys. What we need is research for a cure for ALL cancers. What we need is support for people who are suffering from ANY kind of cancer. What I hate most about October is that all other kinds of cancer disappear. Breast cancer awareness comes at the cost of diminishing awareness of other types of cancer that are just as deadly. In October, no one cares about my uncle’s pancreatic cancer or the fact that he’s been given six months to live. In October, no one cares that my dad has been wasting away for TEN YEARS battling prostate cancer. It seems that all anyone care about is where I like to put my purse or if I’ve sent in my pink yogurt lids.
Yeah. I really get bitter about cancer in October.
Becca says:
I completely agree! I despise the fact that people are putting this kind of thing up in their status and I appreciate you having the courage to call us all on it. Good job.
Kari says:
This is a great post Lauren. I agree 100%.
My best friend lost her mother to breast cancer at age 52. My cousin has had it twice. I agree that awareness/support is hugely important, but it bothers me that the breast cancer cause is so heavily marketed and funded, but other forms are not.
ashleyTIA says:
Great post, Lauren.
My mother’s best friend has breast cancer. I will never forget overhearing a conversation between the two friends last year when the bra meme was going on. She had just had both breasts removed, and was saying how instead of making her feel like people cared, all the bra colors were a slap in the face- “Pink with lace” read to her- “Ha! You don’t ever need to step foot in a Victoria’s Secret again! You are less of a woman because, clearly, pretty bras show you are a woman!”
She is now a breast cancer survivor and advocate, a wonderful mother and wife- doesn’t get more womanly than that if you ask me. :)
Thanks for speaking out!
Kathleen says:
Sometimes I feel bad for the people with lung cancer. Since smoking is the biggest cause, it’s like everyone figures they got what they deserved. It’s the #1 killer in men AND women, but where’s its awareness month?
tillie says:
and sadly people who never smoke get lung cancer. :(
Marlena says:
A sophomore English teacher at my high school died my junior year of lung cancer and she had never smoked a day in her life. She was the sweetest lady and always said hi to me though she wasn’t MY teacher.
Tabaitha says:
I completely agree. It really bothers me that people can’t support breast cancer awareness and get the point across without having to mislead guys or make their minds wonder. It ends up being more about the comment then about the purpose.
storytimewithnicole says:
A.MEN.
Stephany says:
This is SUCH a great post! I 100% agree with you. I didn’t participate in any of the FB meme’s because they’re pointless! Awareness has been raised. How about finding a cure? And sorry, but saying “I like it on the table” is NOT raising awareness, it’s being dirty. And let’s not forget the NFL where coaches & players are sporting pink gear. I mean, they ARE raising money for it, so it’s a totally different scenario.
But where is the awareness for prostate cancer? Ovarian cancer? Cancers like that NEED more awareness because most times, it’s not found until it’s too late. I recently covered a 5K race that raised awareness for ovarian cancer. The show-up was pitiful, compared to what the show-up would have been for a breast cancer walk. Where is Lung Cancer Awareness Month? Where is Colon Cancer Awareness Month? Where is Lymphoma Awareness Month?
I’m not saying we should stop raising awareness for breast cancer, or stop funding their programs. I’m just saying let’s also start raising awareness for some other cancers.
And stop with the Facebook meme’s. Please.
Manderz says:
A great post with equally great comments.
jess says:
AMEN SISTER!
i actually got an email in facebook explaining the “i like it on” comment– and in it was a note to “NOT TELL ANY GUY” what it actually meant.
um sorry- but how is that going to raise awareness?
Megan Marie says:
I am de-lurking to say THANK YOU for writing this…I feel the exact same way!!
We need to get the word out, not post where we put our purse talk about annoying!! My Facebook friends need to read this, would you mind if I posted a link?
Thank you again for writing this.
Megan
Taryn M. Peine says:
WELL SAID sister. Well said.
Amanda says:
Thank you so much for posting this! One of my FB friends sent a message around for all us girls about the purse thing, but I’m not participating in it. Like you, I just don’t understand the point. It’s not raising awareness, it’s just dumb. I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees what a waste of time they are.
Ashley @ ashley's adventures in Alaska says:
Thank you for this. You put what I was thinking into this great, amazing post.
Blair@HeirtoBlair says:
Bravo, Lauren.
Samantha says:
I couldn’t have said it any better myself. I’m glad you decided to post this, despite your hesitations. I didn’t take part in any of the Facebook memes, either this year or last year, for the very reasons you brought up. I don’t even understand how a statement about a purse even relates to breast cancer awareness. It trivializes something very serious and puts a sexy spin on something that is, as you said, NOT sexy.
Katie says:
Great post, Lauren. So well said.
Brenda says:
Very well put. I remember reading somewhere (and I’m sorry I don’t remember who the author was) but she was a breast cancer survivor. She was talking about the pink ribbons/images of ribbons everywhere – on clothing, on packages, everywhere she looked she saw these images. Her comment (in a nutshell, this wasn’t her actual quote) was “I don’t need to be reminded of breast cancer because I bought a container of guacamole…” That really stuck with me. I think the initial intentions were good (of having a pink ribbon as a symbol for breast cancer awareness) but it’s gone a bit far.
Susan Mouser says:
I am a survivor, 12 years and 2 months and I totally agree with you. I’m so thankful to be alive. I hate the pink football accessories, I hate the pink STUFF. I HATE breast cancer. Take care of yourselves, ladies. NEVER “don’t worry” about a lump.
Laurie says:
Thanks for saying what so many of us out there have been thinking, Lauren. Last year when every girl I know was putting their bra color as their Facebook status, I was absolutely disgusted. This year, the whole purse thing on Facebook irked me beyond belief. Having lost a grandmother to cancer, I couldn’t agree with your sentiments more.
Karen says:
We don’t have breast cancer awareness month here. Well, I guess we do, but it’s not been commercialized as it has in the States. I do remember getting some pink ribbons to stick on purses or your shirt a couple years ago at a store. But other than that, it’s really not that well-known here.
As for the Facebook memes, I don’t even know if this year’s is supposed to be for breast cancer awareness (I mean, what’s the point). I thought of both as a bit silly, and didn’t participate this year (even though I have now received the message in English AND German, when ironically, the meme only works in German (i.e. sounds like an innuendo) when you’re using bad grammar.
Anyway, I have been incredibly lucky about breast cancer (and cancer in general) as in that no one of my family or friends has had it. But quite frankly, it scares me. I do think that there are a few good things about BCAM but a lot of it is just stores trying to make money off it.
Props for posting this!
Victoria says:
Great Post Lauren!!!! That is true what you say! Woman shouldn’t be doing the “breast cancer” thing for attention. I have a friend who did the Koman Walk a few weekends ago, and her and a group of girls had shirts on that said “S.O.B. Save our Boobies” in Zebra print….It should be taken seriously, not just a “oh its pink and glittery thing” it is serious!
Sara says:
I’m so glad you posted this. Thank you.
jill says:
Totally agree, Lauren. I had that same conversation with my hubs on Monday. This new facebook thing has gotten me pretty upset. Two weeks ago I participated in the Susan G Komen 3 Day for the Cure – a 60 mile walk for breast cancer. I raised more than $2600 for the cause and I am extremely proud of my accomplishment. Posting your effin’ bra color doesn’t help ANYONE. I know it’s supposed to be cute, but it’s actually pretty offensive. If you REALLY want to help people with breast cancer, make a donation, participate in a charity walk/run, volunteer at a hospital. If you DON’T want to help people with breast cancer, that’s fine too, just don’t pretend you’re raising awareness by posting ridiculous crap on your status. ok…. ::steps down from soap box::
lauren says:
excellent post…i am glad you decided to publish and not delete.
breast cancer education and awareness need to be at the forefront of everyone’s mind 24/7/365. forget breast cancer awareness month…women [and men] suffering from the disease need support at all times.
my maternal grandmother battled breast cancer twice and my mother was diagnosed in 2001. i fear for my own health, but i am pro-active and i encourage my friends, even those with no family history of the disease, to be as well.
we’re all in this together.
*
Katherine says:
Hey, even I read this… you know its good when Katherine READS. lol Love you sister! xoxox
lauryn says:
I completely agree with you on this. People jump at the chance to do anything they deem helpful when it comes to a disease or something that they feel is beyond their control, but all of that silliness is just trivializing breast cancer. It’s along the same lines of the cause marketing where companies will use a pink ribbon on their packaging to try to boost sales because it’s associated with a good cause. It’s kind of sick if you think about it.
Have you ever read “Refuge”? It’s an interesting book that discusses the way breast cancer affects several generations of women in one family and I thought it was very beautifully written!
abby says:
Amen, sister!
Suburban Sweetheart says:
I read this a few days ago, but didn’t have the energy to comment from my iPhone. I LOVELOVELOVE this post & am so glad that you wrote it. I, for one, get frustrated by pink everything, in general, because THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER KINDS OF CANCER. There are people suffering EVERYwhere – of lung cancer, leukemia, melanoma, Hodginks Lymphoma. Their disease is just as painful – & in so, so many cases, there odds are much worse.
andthentherewasavery says:
Wow. Totally agree with every.single.word. I lost my Aunt to breast cancer and I personally cringe everytime I come across a silly Breast Cancer Awareness meme. Thank you for sharing your thoughts :)
tastyeatsathome says:
Excellent post! Thanks for sharing. It goes to show that when you really support a cause from the heart and speak your mind, it’s much more impactful. While I never quite “got” the memes that were floating around, or at best, thought they were creative, YOUR post brought tears to to my eyes. Thank you.
Sensibly Sassy says:
Wonderful, I am so glad you posted this!
I totally agree with you.
Alison says:
Thank you! Not only is the current FB thing ridiculous, but when it takes me (a woman) 2 weeks to figure out what it’s even all about, it certainly can’t be raising any kind of awareness about anything. A friend of mine from college was diagnosed with breast cancer before she reached the age of 30. She was diagnosed again several years later and it has now developed into metastatic cancer, affecting nearly her entire body. She has been LIVING with this for over a year now and I applaud her for all she’s done to make the most of the time she has left in this life. If you want to see her and other women like her, go to the White House/Black Market website where they are celebrating “Living Beyond Breast Cancer” – the pictures and videos there will make you cry, they will make you laugh and they will make it real for you.
Lauren Swonke says:
So true, so true! I’ve said such similar things when talking to my Christopher. Cancer is a beast..not something to commercialize. Nice work, Lauren.
Carissa says:
I totally agree with your rant. It’s great to want to raise awareness but there’s a huge difference between a stupid fb post and actually getting out there and doing something to support the cause. Thanks for writing this post
erniebufflo says:
Thanks so much for this post! My MIL is a two-time breast cancer survivor. After her double mastectomy, I doubt she finds “save the tatas” and other cleavage-bearing, winking, sexy “awareness” memes very funny. As I like to say, sometimes the “tatas” are a casualty in the fight against breast cancer. Saving WOMEN, not boobs, should be our goal.
Jess@Straight Talk says:
AMEN Sister. It doesn’t bring any awareness other than perves get to look at boobs on Twitter on Wednesday and people who put bullshit statuses all over Facebook think they are clever.
I lost my mom to cancer and these are moronic to me. Do something that counts. Like raise money. Or donate it to a great cancer org. I totally put that on my facebook when everyone was in the heat of it. I didn’t see any more stupid posts after that.
Sue says:
And then it happened again! My take on the latest on of these (and I’m not a natural born swearer). http://simonssista.blogspot.com/2011/11/im-moving-to-las-vegas-for-25-months.html