I suppose most of you know that I have an iPhone. I suppose many of you have iPhones too. Whether you have an iPhone or know someone who has an iPhone, you have either experienced firsthand or through observation the sheer ADDICTION that comes with the ownership of one of these things. Michael & I were recently going over our New Budget, which will take place once he starts grad school. Our New Budget looks nothing like our Old Budget, & is scary for many reasons, but we are confident that we can get through the next 2 years for the greater good of our family & future. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. Talk to me when it’s been 6 months since I’ve seen a hairdresser & I am wearing torn clothes & eating canned ham. Well, I do two out of three of those things anyway. So talk to me when I’m eating canned ham.
We discussed cutting things out of our Old Budget to make our New Budget seem a little more… wiggly. One of the things we talked about cutting out is our AT&T bill. With 2 iPhones, it’s not a small thing. But when I say “we talked about it,” I really mean our conversation went something like this:
Me: “We could get rid of our iPhones.”
Michael: “Oh honey, COME ON.”
Me: “You’re right.”
And that was the end of that discussion.
I think I realized my obsession with my iPhone was slightly unhealthy when lately I started going to bed at the same time as Michael, but staying up for an hour or so after he fell asleep, with my head under the covers so the light wouldn’t bother him, nearly suffocating, reading Twitter & blogs.
Oh man. I really didn’t want to tell y’all about this, but Corlene said I needed to. She’s my other therapist, the one without the degree.
One night a couple of months ago, I was going through the iPhone’s Top 50 Free Apps, & I came across a few interesting ones. Let me also mention it was probably well after midnight, I was exhausted, but couldn’t sleep. It’s kind of like being drunk, except I think my decision-making skills are even worse when I’m sleep-deprived than if I had ingested a bottle of merlot.
One of the apps, I am embarrassed to tell you, is called, quite simply, “Love.” So basically it’s a sky blue background with white doves placed precariously about, and as you swipe your finger across the screen, quotes about love float across in the cheesiest MS Word font you can think of. At the time, I was all, AWW I NEED TO WRITE THESE DOWN. Now, I am flipping through and thinking What a shmuck! “When you are in love you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.” -Dr. Seuss. Listen Doc, I’ve got news for you. When you are in love and can’t fall asleep it’s probably because you have an unhealthy fascination with your iPhone. But whatever. I somehow managed to fall asleep without looking at the other apps I downloaded, including one called “Zombie Farm.”
The next day, I was about to Shred, & was flipping through my iPhone looking for something when I saw Zombie Farm. First I was all, how did that get on my phone?! Oh yeah, I was sleep-drunk. Then I started playing. Listen, I have openly made fun of all you Farmville freaks (I say that lovingly). Which is why I never wanted to come out with this. But, yeah. I’m a farmer, y’all. I farm turnips & tomatoes & onions… & ZOMBIES. But they are SO CUTE! Some of them have bows in their hair! And some of them are TEENY TINY and have fighting skills! And one of them is a “Garden Zombie” and her head IS A FLOWER. And if you send them off to another farm to fight, you could win gold or a BRAIN! But not just any brain. This brain is little & pink and IS SMILING. It’s the cutest brain you’ve ever seen. Anyway, whenever I can’t sleep, you can bet all the gold in your farm I’m up planting headless zombies or putting up a little white fence around my crops. And this isn’t a habit I can break anytime soon.
All of this to say, so help me, we will be eating canned ham & “going out” will take on a whole new meaning, but we WILL have our iPhones.