I suppose most of you know that I have an iPhone. I suppose many of you have iPhones too. Whether you have an iPhone or know someone who has an iPhone, you have either experienced firsthand or through observation the sheer ADDICTION that comes with the ownership of one of these things. Michael & I were recently going over our New Budget, which will take place once he starts grad school. Our New Budget looks nothing like our Old Budget, & is scary for many reasons, but we are confident that we can get through the next 2 years for the greater good of our family & future. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. Talk to me when it’s been 6 months since I’ve seen a hairdresser & I am wearing torn clothes & eating canned ham. Well, I do two out of three of those things anyway. So talk to me when I’m eating canned ham.
We discussed cutting things out of our Old Budget to make our New Budget seem a little more… wiggly. One of the things we talked about cutting out is our AT&T bill. With 2 iPhones, it’s not a small thing. But when I say “we talked about it,” I really mean our conversation went something like this:
Me: “We could get rid of our iPhones.”
Michael: “Oh honey, COME ON.”
Me: “You’re right.”
And that was the end of that discussion.
I think I realized my obsession with my iPhone was slightly unhealthy when lately I started going to bed at the same time as Michael, but staying up for an hour or so after he fell asleep, with my head under the covers so the light wouldn’t bother him, nearly suffocating, reading Twitter & blogs.
Oh man. I really didn’t want to tell y’all about this, but Corlene said I needed to. She’s my other therapist, the one without the degree.
One night a couple of months ago, I was going through the iPhone’s Top 50 Free Apps, & I came across a few interesting ones. Let me also mention it was probably well after midnight, I was exhausted, but couldn’t sleep. It’s kind of like being drunk, except I think my decision-making skills are even worse when I’m sleep-deprived than if I had ingested a bottle of merlot.
One of the apps, I am embarrassed to tell you, is called, quite simply, “Love.” So basically it’s a sky blue background with white doves placed precariously about, and as you swipe your finger across the screen, quotes about love float across in the cheesiest MS Word font you can think of. At the time, I was all, AWW I NEED TO WRITE THESE DOWN. Now, I am flipping through and thinking What a shmuck! “When you are in love you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.” -Dr. Seuss. Listen Doc, I’ve got news for you. When you are in love and can’t fall asleep it’s probably because you have an unhealthy fascination with your iPhone. But whatever. I somehow managed to fall asleep without looking at the other apps I downloaded, including one called “Zombie Farm.”
The next day, I was about to Shred, & was flipping through my iPhone looking for something when I saw Zombie Farm. First I was all, how did that get on my phone?! Oh yeah, I was sleep-drunk. Then I started playing. Listen, I have openly made fun of all you Farmville freaks (I say that lovingly). Which is why I never wanted to come out with this. But, yeah. I’m a farmer, y’all. I farm turnips & tomatoes & onions… & ZOMBIES. But they are SO CUTE! Some of them have bows in their hair! And some of them are TEENY TINY and have fighting skills! And one of them is a “Garden Zombie” and her head IS A FLOWER. And if you send them off to another farm to fight, you could win gold or a BRAIN! But not just any brain. This brain is little & pink and IS SMILING. It’s the cutest brain you’ve ever seen. Anyway, whenever I can’t sleep, you can bet all the gold in your farm I’m up planting headless zombies or putting up a little white fence around my crops. And this isn’t a habit I can break anytime soon.
All of this to say, so help me, we will be eating canned ham & “going out” will take on a whole new meaning, but we WILL have our iPhones.
[img via]
Kristen says:
I am also an iPhone addict, to the point where my fiancee has started asking if I am expecting a call to perform surgery. (not a doctor)
I am making a strong effort to leave the iPhone in the kitchen and ignoring it, the only problem is, what if someone update’s their Facebook and I miss it?
I will not download Zombie Farm….or maybe I will and just not fess up!
Kari Anne says:
LOL…planting zombies…that’s too funny! I have a farm on FB – but my kiddo “tends” it now…LOL… I’ve lost interest… :(
Don’t have an iPhone…I’m suck with a CrackBerry…and Verizon…
LCW says:
My husband and I both have iPhones, and we’ll be tweeting each other from different rooms. I understand the addiction and obsession. I too have laid awake at night reading blogs and tweeting and playing silly games, like Angry Bird.
Diane says:
My hubs and I also are iPhone addicts who bring our phones to bed with us. So instead of snuggling and watching the news together, we are both playing games or reading blogs or tweeting, whatever. I didn’t really even notice it until last night. But alas, that is one bill that will never shrink…
Suburban Sweetheart says:
I really need to calm down my iPhone addiction, not just for the sake of my budget but for the sake of my sanity! But, um, do you have the wedding planner game? Or the waitress game? Or Words with Friends? CAN’T STOP, WON’T STOP.
legalstyle says:
You are going to have some very interesting google searches leading to your blog after this post.
Nora says:
So I have to confess my super dorkdom: when I saw this mentioned in twitter I thought surely it was about plants vs zombies an amazing game that I freakin’ love that I hear you get on the iPhone. But if you like zombie farming, don’t check out Plants vs Zombies because OMG is it addictive and fun and totally silly =)
RootsAndRings says:
Just know that I am SERIOUSLY making fun of you in your head.
Outwardly though, I will say this: You better enjoy that game because that’s about all there is to do in East Texas. :)
Kidding. You can go cow tipping too.
RootsAndRings says:
*in MY head… not your head. Ugh.
Corlene says:
Lauren you are so creepy. But I still love you. This will be put in my top 5 favorite blogs by Lauren From Texas. However, we will be discussing this addiction (one of many I have noticed) in our next therapy/long distance phone conversations. Muah.
Corlene says:
and have your roots done
Ashley B says:
I can’t even pretend that I’m not addicted too. I tried making fun of all the people with iPhones (even my parents)… until I got one. Yeah that was the end of that.
Other fun games: iLaunched, yahtzee, Mr. Aah, and Run!
Helpful apps: Shopper, Lose It!, Harvest, Convert, and Shazam
abby says:
OK I hate the farmville FB people too, so is it wrong that I actually picked up my phone and downloaded this game of yours before I even commented?
Amy --- Just A Titch says:
I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop. A life without my iPhone isn’t worth living.
I need help.
Rachael says:
Ok cheers to be honest…. so can I say I am the LAST person in the world without an iphone? But guess what 5/11 we get an upgrade and guess who will be getting one? Yeah that’s right ME and I’m super excited ok jump in the air with me… lol
LCW says:
the new one is coming out later in the summer, you should wait a little bit longer for the better iPhone :o)
Marlena says:
I cracked up at the under the covers thing. I do NOT have an iPhone but I DO have a Droid [okay an HTC Touch and they have all the Droid apps - I don't completely understand it] and since it graced my hands this past November, it hasn’t often left. Lately I’ve had to literally tell myself MARLENA PUT THE PHONE DOWN, TWITTER IS NOT THAT IMPORTANT. I’ve felt the pain of refreshing & seeing no new updates. I feel ya girl. I even downloaded a METAL DETECTOR app just to test it aka avoid going to bed at a decent time. Typing to avoid doing a search for these cute zombies you speak of…
Cio says:
You are too twisted for color TV.
dailyoverflow says:
It is too early/late to mention iPad for ya?!?! :) You know how it goes in Texas, the bigger… the better!
Stephanie says:
Ok first of all it’s 11:39 and I’m in bed AND on my iPhone reading your blog. Although not under the covers though because Wes is and therefore being UNDER the covers would wake him if the laughing out loud as I related to your blog didn’t. And secondly my 10 year old has am itouch and can’t stop talking about the zombie app. Next time you see her you should talk zombies with her. What a sophisticated conversation that would be.
Taryn M. Peine says:
Oh my gosh Lauren HILARIOUS. Sat. night Drew and I were both in bed. At 11:30. Sitting next to each other. Playing Whirly Word. Separately. I had a moment where my old, cool Taryn escaped my body and slapped me right in the face. What happened to candles! And romance! I figured I could download a flickering candle app, but I wasn’t sure how to deal with the romance issue, until I just read your blog. The Love app! I’m covered! Thank you!
Stephany says:
It’s funny how interesting and intriguing you make Zombie Farm sounds.
Derick says:
I love Zombie Farm game!
Alena says:
OH YES YES YES!
And if you have 16 of the purple fertilizer zombies and you plant the candy corn, you can make A TON of money. Which means that you can kill off those zombies in an ambush. And then plant bad ass super strong great fighter zombies and get lots of happy smiling brains.