I don’t usually jump on board with the memes. Don’t ask me why, but when I see one, I kind of cringe. Maybe because it reminds me of the millions of “surveys” my friends and I filled out & emailed to each other (remember life before social networks? Back in the Dark Ages?) in Jr. High. “What color are your pants? Have you ever kissed a boy? Do you have a crush on any of your friends’ boyfriends? Are you right-handed or left-handed?”
The Currently meme I was doing for awhile doesn’t count so leavemealoneaboutit.
Also the ToT meme Chelsea invented doesn’t count because Chelsea INVENTED it & she’s awesome.
Now that I’ve cleared up what doesn’t count, let’s talk about what does. Um, pretty much anything going around Facebook for the last year.
Just because I don’t repost something in my status doesn’t mean I don’t love Jesus, will die tomorrow, will never marry and/or BEAR CHILDREN.
Chances are, the definition of your name on urbandictionary.com is going to be something very, very terrible. Do yourself a favor & refrain from this.
If you ask me to join your: mafia/Farmville/freaking fish aquarium ONE MORE TIME, I’m gonna have to unfriend you.
No, I do not want to see: someone’s TRUE opinion of me/who has a crush on me (I’m married, thanks)/if someone has answered a question about me (I don’t even know what that means). I will block the crap out of this until I can block no more.
In short(ish), I liked Facebook better when it was only people with university email addresses. It kept the 12-year-olds where they belong: on MySpace. But now everyone and their mom (LITERALLY) has a Facebook, & things are getting crazy. My friend can’t post pregnancy/new mom woes because, not even exaggerating, NINE MILLION “older” friends and family members will take her WAY TOO SERIOUSLY & give the worst unsolicited advice you’ve ever seen. Also, forget about posting those pictures from your girls weekend at the beach, because you’ll likely get a post like this:
[via]
Facebook is so awkward because what if someone friends you & you don’t want to be friends? What if you were never really friends in the first place? What if they try to friend you THREE TIMES IN ONE HOUR, and each time you hit “Ignore,” because each time you hit ignore & another request pops up, it gets a little creepier. And what if, after 3 rejections, this person who you haven’t seen in OVER 6 years, and with whom you were never actually friends (I think I spoke 5 words to her, ever), sends you a message that says: “is there a reason you wont add me?? do you remember me??”
Um, I don’t like to be cornered into becoming friends with people.
However, against my better judgement, I decided to participate in Doppelgänger Week. Much like Facebook, it was cool when only a few people knew about it. People were accurate in their choices, & it was cute, not cluttery.
I chose iJustine for my look-alike because, well, she’s the closest match. I have been told I look like everyone from Carrie Underwood (I get that one a lot when I overuse the hairspray a la Texas woman style) to Julia Stiles (by a toothless man in a gas station, thanks dude!) to Tyra Banks (from my girl Reen & also from my husband on our first date! “You look like a white Tyra Banks”), but at the risk of looking like I’m full of myself/blind, I went with the safe choice. Justine is a lovely girl, Apple product fan, blogging nerd, and I get a little creeped out when I watch her YouTube videos; there’s something around her eyes that makes me feel like I’m looking in a mirror. Here was the picture I posted:
Some people (granted, who haven’t seen me in awhile) actually thought it was me.
Then, my sister informed me that “YouTube fame doesn’t count, you look like Cameron Diaz.” So I went hunting for a good picture of her. Cameron Diaz is probably the celebrity I get the most, at least when we were both younger (and before she had a nose job). I like her because she’s beautiful but not in a pretentious or fake way. However, I am not vain/dumb enough to think I could be her stunt double or anything.
Then, things got a little better when my friend Kayleigh decided to put some pretty sweet Photoshop skills to use & include Pancho in the fun.
Seriously, I had to look twice because that is the spitting image of Pancho & me on a Sunday afternoon.
Alright, now you can see the fun my friends & I were having. All innocent. All harmless. Good, clean, Facebook fun. Then things started to get ugly. Actually, things started to get WAY TOO PRETTY. People began changing their profile pictures to people who seriously looked NOTHING like them. Yeah, you WISH!
Before I knew it, my feed was cluttered up with beautiful people, and I was left wondering where all my Facebook contacts (I refuse to refer to people as “friends” just because we are connected by a social network) went.
The moral of the story? Facebook is going to hell in a handbasket, & it looks like we’re all going with it.
But at least the handbasket looks like Cindy Crawford.
Comments on Doppelgänger Week, aka People are Delusional Week.
From MelissaOK:
“Now veryone and their mom (LITERALLY) has a facebook.”
HAHAHAHA! So true… I took a very long time to add my own mother and Chef’s mother to my facebook…but I had to. And now I have to somewhat edit myself on there (not that it was so terrible), but exactly like you say, I’m going to think twice before posting a pic of myself in a swimsuit, or my slightly revealing Halloween costume, or even a picture of myself holding an adult beverage. Even though I’ve officially been an adult for quite a while now…
From Meghan:
Oh gosh. I completely agree with you. I am sooo tired of Facebook and people I know posting ridiculous things! I don’t want to know about half the stuff my parents do on there.
:(
From Megan:
YOU are hilarious Lauren!! I love reading all your blogs! (Non-creepily of course!! I mean IF I have a spare minute…otherwise I just skip it. Its not THAT important in my life but I DO enjoy your occasional blog. ;) I started to get paranoid about your “facebook friend” rant until I remembered that YOU requested ME and I breathed a sigh of relief! YOU: REQUESTER ME: REQUESTEE!! I liken stage 5 facebook clingers to a blind date gone terribly wrong! You know the type, that don’t get the first ELEVEN hints that you are really not interested after he told you about his recent toe fungal fiasco in the first ten minutes of meeting! Anyway, all that to say! HAHAHAHA!! Good postling!!
From Stephanie~LittleInsights.com:
Oh, Lauren! You hit the nail on the head with this one! Facebook has gotten a little weird for me too! I, like you have been friend-requested by people who by all accounts are really adult strangers that several years ago I brushed shoulders in the hallways at school. I typically have a hard time deciding who, of those people to friend request or not. I have also had friends, whose children have friend-requested my old friends from junior high! WHAT THA? Are you kidding me? I, like you am pretty tired of the chain posts, although, I must admit to reposting a few…like, “My daughters (and sons) are the greatest in the whole wide world!”, but only because I think that everyday, not because I felt some pressure to fit in! Have you experienced the facebook stalker yet? The one where you post that you are doing something and then they turn around and a day later are doing the same exact thing! The only thing creepier is when this happens in real life! UGH! GEEZ…Sorry for rambling, I guess I really didn’t realize how annoying Facebook was becoming…until I read this post! :-)
From Amanda:
I think you’re commentary on the insanity that has become facebook is very, very true. I’ve deleted and blocked people that I grew up with because they sent me one too many mafia/farmville (etc)invitations. It’s way too out of hand and I wish I could stay in contact with some of them if only they were more web-mature. It’s like half of my contacts (I like that definition of yours) could be 12 years old with the way they fling around surveys and stupid groups (have you seen some of the ridiculous groups lately?!) and join my this and that with complete reckless abandon. Something must be done.
On the bright side, I think your friend looks ridiculously like Giuliana, and your sister looks a lot like Lea. And you do have a hint of Cameron in you for sure. I get that I look a lot like Kerri Russel circa Felicity, which I don’t mind one bit :) What do you think? http://theres-only-us.blogspot.com/2010/02/blackbird.html
From Amanda:
and I just realized I spelled “your” as “you’re”. *facepalm* English degree fail.
From Will:
Thankfully my mom told me she never plans to join Facebook
From RootsAndRings:
You don’t look like Cameron Diaz. And I mean that as a compliment. I don’t think she’s pretty. I don’t have a Dopplerahoigrnogirger.
From Jess:
You’re hilarious Lauren. I block just about EVERYTHING from my feed. Although, reading the random comments on pictures that are supposed to be IM’s to someone else entirely from, shall we say, “our elders” does bring me a certain amount of amusement.
From Erin:
I will NOT stop inviting you to play YoVille! I will keep persisting, and if you don’t I will delete you from my LIFFFEEEEEEEEE.
From Taryn M. Peine:
OMG the doppelganger thing is KILLING ME. Everyone is posting people that they look NOTHING like – the ones that kill me the most are the people who actually post “who do you think I look like more? Gisele or Heidi? Because I’ve been told both!”
I’ve been told I look like Stephen Tyler. Before the skinny leather pants.
Also, I don’t like it when creepy old people from my old job ask to be my friend on Facebook. And then CONVO me in the middle of the DAY…
From Kathleen:
I cracked up at that picture of “you and Pancho”. I think Cameron Diaz is pretty, and I don’t think I would have made the connection before but now I definitely see it. Also, I wanted a Doppelganger, but I guess i don’t have one. Oh well!
From abby:
LOL! I couldn’t agree more! I didn’t change my picture because I honestly didn’t know who it would be… other people should really do the same:)
From Suburban Sweetheart:
I REALLY wanted to participate in Doppleganger Week (don’t judge me, I’m a sucker for vain memes) but I couldn’t think of anyone I legitimately look like. I’ve been told a few things – from Larisa Oleynik when I was in middle school to Darlene from “Roseanne” recently (ummm, YUCK), but no one I looked enough like to go with – I didn’t want to be one of those douchebags making stuff up! A girl I went to high school with chose Kate Winslet – um, honey, just NO.
PS: iJustine feels like a damn good choice. INTERNET FAME TOTALLY COUNTS.
From Heidi H.:
I offed my facebook account in July when my eff-in law got an account. It was too creepy.
I don’t know why, but I never had a problem not friending people who I either didn’t like/didn’t know very well/hadn’t seen for several months/years. The only time denying friendship to someone I didn’t like/care to be friends with on FB or IRL got hairy was when I saw her at a party and she confronted me about it. It went something like this:
Her: So, have you ever noticed that I friend you on FB?
Me: Ahhh…. um.
Her: ‘Cause I’ll friend you and then check it and see that I have to friend you again…
Me: Ohh, yeah. Ummm…
Her: So be my FB friend?
Me: Sure.
Good Times.
From hannahkaty:
You are absolutely hilarious. I loved this post. I was left to wonder all week what this Doppelganger thing was and to read this post was perfect. I will definitely be back here soon! Adding you to my reader.
Best,
Hannah Katy
From thedailychelle:
This post is HILARIOUS! I completely agree on everything (I also participated in the Doppleganger thing… and while I think my choice (Jennifer Carpenter, Deb on the show Dexter) is way prettier than me… my own dad thought the photo I posted was me!)
Also, I don’t know if I’ve ever commented on your blog, but I have been clicking over to your blog for awhile from Chelsea’s blog, who I found from Sarah’s blog (sojoblog). I know Sarah through a random mutual friend (who her and I both know in “real life”). But one of the days I clicked on your blog I saw a picture of Cio, who I know in “real life” through some friends of mine who are friends of hers who live in Conroe… completed unconnected (as far as I know) to Sarah or Chelsea. So, that is a long, roundabout, sort of creepy way of saying… I almost know you! Haha. I just wanted to point that out. :)
From Karen:
Hahaha, oh my gosh, I must admit I did the name on urbandictionary.com thing but only because the definition was something good ego-strokey. I did not do the doppelgänger thing. I never actually got a message about that anyway (were they even sent around?). I also don’t have any apps added to my profile other than the usual FB apps (but no Farmville, Mafia Wars etc.) and gosh you don’t know how happy I am about the fact that you can now hide apps from your news feed.
However, I am friends with the parents of two friends of mine (sisters). Which has on occasion made me not post something. Luckily I am mostly goody- two shoes enough not to have to censor myself on FB. Luckily my parents don’t hold too high an opinion on internet people and social networking so I can be pretty sure they will never ever join FB. I also don’t see any of my relatives (other than the ones my age, and there are only two of those, my brother and my cousin, neither of whom I’d mind being friends with).
I suppose there are a bunch of people on there who I haven’t talked to in forever, and maybe, just maybe I should finally start using friends groups to make some of my info less accessible for all of them.
From Nora:
evidently I missed out on this trend and I don’t see the white tyra banks thing! I could see Carrie Underwood though and of course, Reese Witherspoon. Cameron Diaz a little bit but I think you’re much prettier than she is!
From sarah:
Um. You and Erin Andrews could be twins.
Except I hear she’s a whore. You’re not a whore. That I know of. But it’s cool if you are. I don’t judge. Out loud.
From bgirl875:
Hahaha OMG LfromT. I was coming over to encourage you but with such a great post, I couldn’t write “I’m going to have a better blog than you.”
I agree with EVERYTHING you said…Facebook is getting really creepy and this new activity is only more proof that people are hilarious.
I love how no one posts any unattractive celebs that they look like. The only one I’ve got consistently is MJ in his younger years? Who the hell wants to look like MJ? Not that he wasn’t adorable? But he was a HE? And I am not a HE. So I passes on this game and decided to laugh at my contacts “wish they looked like” posts instead. Meanwhile I am at home going “yeah, you look like Halle Berry, when she was 9 mos pregnant. Dream on dipsh!t. And be happy with you.
You rock my blog world!!!
From Jill:
Actual phone conversation with my mom…
Mom: “What’s a…it’s a big long word…I keep seeing people say it on their facebook…it’s ‘something’ week…”
Jill: “Doppleganger?”
Mom: “Yeah! What is that? I want one!”
True story.
Yesterday I had to delete a comment from my mother in law because she posted private and potentially dangerous information on my facebook wall. After I told her, “Oh yeah, I thought about that.” REALLY WELL THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU DELETE IT BEFORE SOMEONE SNATCHED ME UP AND KILLED ME DEAD?!
Moral of my story: I hate that crap. I did not post a Doppleganger. I will not post on there some stupid fine, or the color of my bra, or that I have a mom/dad/brother/dog/sister/husband/girlfriend/bff who is the best mom/dad/blah blah blah in the world and 98% of people won’t re-post this so stand up for yourself by doing so. I won’t.
I also have absolutely no problem hitting the Ignore button. When that doesn’t work I move onto the Block feature. It’s there for a reason ;)
From samdotcom:
I love that you call them Facebook contacts, because really, that is what they are. Facebook drives me insane – I don’t care about the lost dog you found on your farm, what your high score is in Mafia whatever, or what that boy who sat in the back of grade 8 science TRULY THINKS OF ME.
So your sister is the SPITTING IMAGE of Lea Michele. Ridiculous. I used to get Lindsay Lohan A LOT but when you combine her severe downward spiral and the fact that I so rarely use Facebook, I decided to leave my profile picture as is. No Dopplegjhaksdj for this girl.
From Heather:
I seriously agree with every. single. statement. I just kept reading and noddding along.
From Courtney:
Haha this post is hilarious! Yes, Facebook is going a terrible, terrible place, which is taking us all down with it. I did not participate in Doppleganger whatever it is week, because I don’t look like anybody famous and I didn’t want people making fun of me, they way I made fun of people who put up pictures of celebs that looked nothing like them. Ahem enough said. And No, I will not play you in Farmville! Great blog, sweetie.
From Hannah:
im your look alike member? is it cuz im not famous?
:( haha i cant decide if im lucky to look like you, or if YOU are lucky to look like ME! :P lubb you Rawren
From Mandy:
Thank you, Lauren, for once again expressing EXACTLY how I feel more eloquently and wittily than I ever could.
From steph anne:
I remember when first discovering your blog I thought you looked like iJustine. I haven’t thought about who I look like – although someone might have mentioned years ago that I looked like a celebrity from the old days. I can’t remember now who!
From lori:
i thought the iphone girl was you as well