Sometimes you hit a dry spell with blogging.
Sometimes you have a lot to say and don’t know how to say it.
Sometimes you’re afraid of being 100% honest.
Sometimes you’re afraid that even if you can grow a pair and be 100% honest, it won’t be well received and people will delete you from their Google Reader.
Sometimes you need to grow a pair and say “So what?” and do it anyway.
And then sometimes, you need to go have sushi with your girlfriends, play with your new camera, and almost wet your pants from laughing so hard.
Lauren: “Instead of my hair looking like a flowing, cohesive style, it just looks like a side ponytail.”
Kayleigh: “My hair looks square.”
It was Cio’s first time to have sushi (on her list of “30 in 3” – 30 goals in 3 years), and she talked about her experience on her Tumblr. During the course of the night, I took it upon myself to inform Kayleigh & Cio (who both have Tumblrs) that TUMBLR IS NOT A REAL BLOG. Come over to the dark side, aka WordPress. If by dark side you mean AWESOME SIDE.
Isn’t she beautiful? And VERY BRAVE.
Last but not least, Cio told me she would disown me if I didn’t post this picture. I apologize for my bad manicure. And awful facial expression. Kayleigh’s cuteness should make up for it.
I’m guessing I’m not the only one who is ridiculously glad that tomorrow is Friday. I have awesome weekend plans, but Chelsea told me I shouldn’t talk about my weekend plans before they happen because then people will stalk me. And because I always listen to Chelsea and do everything she tells me to do, you’re just going to have to wait until Monday to hear about my weekend plans. I am sure you will live.
I have mentioned before that I am in therapy. Or counseling. Whatever you want to call it. I like to call it my weekly “I’m not crazy but I might be if I don’t talk to this lady on a regular basis” routine. I’m not in therapy because I’m irrevocably emotionally scarred or damaged. I’m not in therapy because I hear voices and do what they say (unless Chelsea counts as a voice). I’m in therapy because I am a human, and I have issues, and I don’t always know how to deal with them. I want to be the best possible wife I can be – the best possible person I can be – and the best place to start is at the beginning. The best time to start is now. Maybe eventually I will get into all of my issues on my blog, but not tonight. I do want to say this though: If you feel like you need to see someone, see someone. Don’t let anyone or anything (not even yourself) tell you that you don’t need it, or you can’t afford it, or whatever. If you needed pills in order to live, and those pills were $500 each, I can guarantee you would find a way to buy those pills. For a long time, I told myself that I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t a schizo, I didn’t slit my wrists, so I didn’t need counseling. I have now been going for almost a year and I see myself being restored. It’s not that therapy is a magical cure. A lot of work has gone into this. My husband is a saint and should receive some sort of gold medal for putting up with me for the last 2 years. My faith in God has brought me peace and healing. I have worked my butt off (but not literally, there’s still a booty back there). But guess what? It’s paying off. I’m getting better. And I have never been more thankful for who I am and the life I have.
I am overly critical of myself. Today, my therapist asked me, “What would it look like if you weren’t so critical of yourself? What sorts of things would you do?”
Start blogging more honestly.