Sometimes you hit a dry spell with blogging.
Sometimes you have a lot to say and don’t know how to say it.
Sometimes you’re afraid of being 100% honest.
Sometimes you’re afraid that even if you can grow a pair and be 100% honest, it won’t be well received and people will delete you from their Google Reader.
Sometimes you need to grow a pair and say “So what?” and do it anyway.
And then sometimes, you need to go have sushi with your girlfriends, play with your new camera, and almost wet your pants from laughing so hard.
Lauren: “Instead of my hair looking like a flowing, cohesive style, it just looks like a side ponytail.”
Kayleigh: “My hair looks square.”
It was Cio’s first time to have sushi (on her list of “30 in 3” – 30 goals in 3 years), and she talked about her experience on her Tumblr. During the course of the night, I took it upon myself to inform Kayleigh & Cio (who both have Tumblrs) that TUMBLR IS NOT A REAL BLOG. Come over to the dark side, aka WordPress. If by dark side you mean AWESOME SIDE.
LOVE. HER.
Isn’t she beautiful? And VERY BRAVE.
Last but not least, Cio told me she would disown me if I didn’t post this picture. I apologize for my bad manicure. And awful facial expression. Kayleigh’s cuteness should make up for it.
I’m guessing I’m not the only one who is ridiculously glad that tomorrow is Friday. I have awesome weekend plans, but Chelsea told me I shouldn’t talk about my weekend plans before they happen because then people will stalk me. And because I always listen to Chelsea and do everything she tells me to do, you’re just going to have to wait until Monday to hear about my weekend plans. I am sure you will live.
I have mentioned before that I am in therapy. Or counseling. Whatever you want to call it. I like to call it my weekly “I’m not crazy but I might be if I don’t talk to this lady on a regular basis” routine. I’m not in therapy because I’m irrevocably emotionally scarred or damaged. I’m not in therapy because I hear voices and do what they say (unless Chelsea counts as a voice). I’m in therapy because I am a human, and I have issues, and I don’t always know how to deal with them. I want to be the best possible wife I can be – the best possible person I can be – and the best place to start is at the beginning. The best time to start is now. Maybe eventually I will get into all of my issues on my blog, but not tonight. I do want to say this though: If you feel like you need to see someone, see someone. Don’t let anyone or anything (not even yourself) tell you that you don’t need it, or you can’t afford it, or whatever. If you needed pills in order to live, and those pills were $500 each, I can guarantee you would find a way to buy those pills. For a long time, I told myself that I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t a schizo, I didn’t slit my wrists, so I didn’t need counseling. I have now been going for almost a year and I see myself being restored. It’s not that therapy is a magical cure. A lot of work has gone into this. My husband is a saint and should receive some sort of gold medal for putting up with me for the last 2 years. My faith in God has brought me peace and healing. I have worked my butt off (but not literally, there’s still a booty back there). But guess what? It’s paying off. I’m getting better. And I have never been more thankful for who I am and the life I have.
I am overly critical of myself. Today, my therapist asked me, “What would it look like if you weren’t so critical of yourself? What sorts of things would you do?”
My answer?
Start blogging more honestly.
xo
Cio says:
a) I look like a giant next to you. LOLZ
b) I hate my hair, I should have actually dressed up and combed my hair that day. ahahahaha. Not beautiful, just brave.
c) I LOVE the last picture of you and kay. You girls are my favorites. I don’t laugh as much as I do with both of you! (i might steal that picture. lolz)
d) You inspire me. You encourage me to be honest…especially with myself. Thank you.
Love you Lola!
Meghan says:
“What would it look like if you weren’t so critical of yourself? What sorts of things would you do?”
I am wayyy critical of myself. Sometimes I have to mentally say to myself, “Really? Seriously, Meg, no one is going to care about (insert ridiculous thing here). Why don’t you just go ahead and do it.”
Mentally commanding myself to do things has helped a lot for me over the years. Like reminding myself when I fell UP the stairs in high school that someone else would do something more embarrassing soon and that my dumb act would be forgotten. Or trying to expand my daily wardrobe away from t-shirts and jeans.
You should always be looking to expand on your life as it is now — and to always try something new. You are awesome for working to make your life better instead of just accepting it as it is, you know?
P.S. You are amazing!
Jen says:
glad you wrote this. sometimes it feels like i’m the only one going through these things, and i think i might actually be crazy. … it’s good to know i’m not alone.
Marlena says:
I LOVE THIS. I don’t always like to blog b/c of the same reasons. I have a problem with not wanting to come off a certain way….and the things in my head are often either offensive or would upset certain people to know I think that way. I love me – just self conscious about other people loving me I guess. Pretty sure I need therapy [okay definitely sure], just wouldn’t know where to start. I don’t want to feel judged and I’d be weirded out on how to start opening up to a stranger, paranoid I’d end up realizing more issues surface than I was aware of, etc.
I’m a big chicken. No one really knows because they don’t ask.
Jill says:
I think you are very brave for discussing therapy on your blog. I’m totally on the same page with you (in terms of my feelings towards therapy)! I think everyone could benefit from a little (or a lotta) therapy! The key is finding a good therapist. I had one who just looked at me and nodded her head or turned it from side to side. But anyway it sounds like your person is doing you good :)
Sarah says:
I couldn’t agree more on therapy. There is nothing wrong with wanting to talk things out with an unbiased third party. I think it’s fantastic that you are willing to do it (and blog about it)!
DebbieQ says:
Excellent post my internet friend. I had a friend a number of years ago remind me that it is always healthier to be an “open book” and so that is what I try to do.
And by the way, excellent work with the new camera. What did you get?
emilyjpaterson says:
I think if I wasn’t so critical of myself a huge weight would be lifted off of me. I would relax and learn to enjoy more of the little things in life. Also I would be much more brave and not judge myself for it!
I liked this post a lot! Hope you have a great weekend with your secret plans! :)
Chelsea Hurst says:
Yes – Cio is beautiful.
Yes – people will stalk you if you tell them where you are going.
I hope my voice doesn’t make you want to go to therapy- that would make me sad.
I have never had sushi either.
Embrace the typos and grammatical errors and brutally honest posts. We all love you and LOVE to read what you write. Be proud of who you are! You are a beautiful person and I love you!
San says:
Delurking…
needed to say: Good for you that you’re seeing a counselor! I think everyone should have one! ;)
Kyla Roma says:
Aw Lauren, I adore you. Good job on seeing a councillor! I was in therapy for a couple of years when I was a little younger and it can hugely helpful. If you ever need to talk to someone who can relate, I am totally here for you.
The best thing about being honest in your blog is that you give people a chance to really step up and be there for you. Some of them won’t be, some of them will be, but you will get amazing advice, and a lot of positive feedback either way. And in my experience, you cannot scare people away with a post that comes from your heart. Especially not one as big as yours is.
legalstyle says:
beautiful, eloquent post. i think everyone appreciates and admires your honesty.
Samantha says:
Your honesty is one thing that keeps me coming back to your blog. No matter if a post of yours is serious or amusing, you always come across as pure and honest, and I admire that about you!
Kim Pennell says:
Lauren – i’m proud that you have spoken up for going to counselling. It definitely helps to have someone on the outside of ourselves give us affirmation (I know a counselor gives us more than that).
Don’t feel like you need to bear your soul, tho. Some things can be left unsaid…(thinking of you saying you want to blog more honestly). Unless it helps you. i just think that some things are so personal that just saying ‘I got through a hard time’ is good – we are pulling for you and it helps that we are going through crap together. I love you.
Our Happy Married Life says:
Hi Lauren, I’m a new reader and love your blog. You crack me up! I, too, am sooo critical of myself. I think it’s a girl thing and it’s what society has done to “us”…You are gorgeous…I look at your pictures and think what a beautiful girl you are. You have nothing to be critical of! (but I know that doesn’t change anything, just wanted to say it) Have a great day!!! :)
Nora says:
What a beautiful, honest post. As always, the photos of you are gorgeous, too.
I struggle with honesty. I struggle with coping. I struggle with THINKING that I should be able to cope with everything. I’m over critical/over analytical/self-critiquing/worry wart too. I suppose I should take a page from your book and get to figuring it all out.
Sending hugs, and I’m always here if you’d like to chat!
Lyndsey says:
I do everything Chelsea says too. And I hear her in my head.
Kitty says:
Bring it lady!
steph anne says:
Love this honest post. You’re beautiful inside & out and we all know we’re not perfect…heck, I know I’m not and I’m glad I’m not.
Amy --- Just A Titch says:
I have been in therapy for FIVE years, and let me tell you, the work is worth it. I love that you are willing to share it, and that you are honest. It’s something I need to work on being more honest about. You are so lovely! xo
Alena says:
“What would it look like if you weren’t so critical of yourself? What sorts of things would you do?”
I think everyone should pose this question to themselves. It isn’t an easy question, and I’m still trying to answer it for myself!
Julie D. says:
Billy Elliot the Elton John Musical Broadway is in Chicago RIGHT NOW!!! COME SEE IT WITH ME!!! :)
ms. words and things 101 says:
i absolutely love this post, it’s really gr8!