Lauren from Texas

My first post. Nothing like a bit of intimidation. No matter, I am just going to picture all of you in your underwear. 

Why not jump right in with the most personal thing I can think of? After all, my goal for this new blog is to be more honest. OK, here goes.

It’s that time of the month for me. Except – there is nothing to show for it yet. I always get a little worried right around this time. I know there are a couple days of leeway – as a famous TV blonde once said, “you’re in front of the firing squad, but you haven’t been shot” – but I still get antsy. Not that it wouldn’t be great to have an excuse for the extra 5 pounds that have “mysteriously” found me in the last couple of weeks, but I think that “I eat too many carbs” is probably a lot easier of a realization than “I’m having a baby.” We’ll see. If something doesn’t happen soon, I can run to Wal-Mart for a $4 pregnancy test. Because nothing says THANK GOODNESS like a negative reading on a $4 pregnancy test. 

The week before I turned 23, I wrote a list of “Goals for my 24th Year.” (#1: DO NOT GET PREGNANT. Just kidding. But really, Lauren, don’t get pregnant.) I didn’t feel like I could post it on my blogspot, though – but I’m going to stick it on here, and put in parentheses what I have accomplished to reach each particular goal in the last 2 months of being 23. 

1. Start being more honest – with myself and other people. Don’t hide who I am and what I am going through. (Check. A work in progress.)
2. Start driving my perfectionism and stop letting it drive me. (Also a work in progress – but I’m getting better.)
3. Care more about my abilities and accomplishments than my looks. (Listen, I know I’m no Heidi Klum, but dang it, it’s hard to be pretty sometimes. You feel like that’s all you are – it’s your “job” to society to be beautiful and nothing else. Well, no more. It’s not my job to be pretty. I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! I’m joking, but honestly. I want to be OK without makeup in front of people. Maybe no one else can relate to what I’m talking about, but hopefully there are one or two girls out there who know exactly what I mean. Tell yourself: “It’s not my job to be pretty.” You’ll take a lot of pressure off yourself.)
4. Be a better wife. (Continually working on this, but we’re both on board, and I feel like our marriage is really starting to get somewhere.)
5. Be a better daughter, sister, and friend. (I’m calling more, trying to get together, and attempting to be less judgmental and more compassionate. It’s not always easy. I guess that’s why it made the list.)
6. Have a stronger faith. (Working on this also. Trying to read and pray more. Have more faith.)
7. Write more. Write often. Self-publish. Submit to be published. Stop being so anal about everything I write. (Check. I started this blog so that I would write on a much more regular basis. I’ve been journaling/jotting more. Need to work even harder on the other aspects.)
8. Stop criticizing myself and embrace who I am. (Hmm. Still working on this.)
9. Get in excellent physical shape. (Just got back from a run!)
10. Learn my boundaries and make other people aware of theirs. Don’t let people cross those boundaries. (Still working on this, but getting better, I think.)
11. Do more things I love and say no to the things I don’t want/need but feel compelled to do as a result of my perfectionism. (Yes and yes. Will continue to do more.)
12. Buy things I want. (I know this sounds terribly selfish – here’s some background: I often don’t let myself buy things I want because “I don’t need it.” I am learning that it’s OK to spend $10 on a CD I really want, or $5 on a pair of earrings. Its not going to kill anyone, and I’ll drive myself crazy if I always tell myself no.)
13. Start LIVING. (Whatever this means. Haha.)
14. Drink more champagne. (I had some last week! Champagne: It’s Not Just For New Years.)

And thus concludes my list. Hopefully that gives you some background on me (Hey! I’m Lauren! I’m totally neurotic! Nice to meet you!) and gives you an idea of my journey right now.

Aaand now I really wish I hadn’t used the word journey, because I’m going to have “Don’t Stop Believing” stuck in my head for the rest of the evening. AWESOME.